Lifetime Original Movie: Losing Without Grace

I have a problem.  It doesn’t come out often, but it shouldn’t come out at all.  Sometimes when I lose a game, I get really upset.

Now, I’m not mad at the winner for winning, they deserve a hearty handshake and a pat on the back.  I’m not mad that I lost either.  I play a pretty decent amount of games and I lose a great deal more of those games than I win, so I’m used to it.

I’m mad at myself because I screwed up.

I am not a Min/Max player, I do not try to play an optimal game.  I definitely try to win, but particularly if I’m already behind early, I’ll try for something unique or interesting.  But what really sets my Crank-O-Meter to 10 is when I’m either in a leading position or about to make a big move to put myself into contention, and then I pull a huge boner and screw it all up.

I have a low threshold for showing my frustration.  This goes for most things in my life, and it can be exacerbated when I’m tired.  Being in a great position and blowing it is a frustration for me, and I feel it far worse than a good ol’ shellacking.

This past winter Andy had myself and another friend over.  I lost a close game that I felt I should’ve won, and I punched myself on the leg twice.  I had the goods for the victory, but I had blown the opportunity, and now my combo platter of Frustration and Tiredness got the best of me and I had a little “moment”.  I later asked Andy to apologize to the other player for me (we are not directly connected).  Shortly after this there was a thread on Reddit where it asked for your New Years Gaming Resolution, and my resolution was to try to eliminate this bad attitude from my gaming.  Being aware of the issue is of course the first step in combating it.  And again, it’s not every time I lose, it’s that 1 in 10 or 20 loss where I feel like I should’ve won but I blew it.  But even that is too often.  So I will do my best to lose with more grace in 2016.

 

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